Drama

Could it just be methodically hunted down and exterminated? Who shall join me in this task?

There was almost a boy

but I couldn't date him in good conscience, because we don't believe the same things, and I couldn't stand hurting him later on down the road, instead of just saying something now. The good: for the first time, I feel I actually handled the entire thing without any stupid mistakes. I'm thanking God for that, because I have made some completely idiotic decisions in the past regarding boys, even just in the way I thought about certain boys. And this whole thing went down in a pretty chill manner. And God guarded my heart, and I was so much smarter about the whole thing.

The bad: were this guy a Christian, I'd date him in a heartbeat. I am now, belatedly, realizing how much I wanted things to work out. And I'm tired, and it all sort of just happened, and I will probably cry myself to sleep.

I know it will all work out. God has it all in control, because he's omnipotent like that. I'll be okay after not too long. It just sort of hit a couple hours ago. Prayers much appreciated. I just feel kind of numb and stinging at the same time.

Oy criminy

I moved back home on Saturday, and should be here about six weeks. I thought this would be a rather sedate six weeks, punctuated by frisbee games.

Oh, right, except life can't be that normal, can it?

(The answer is no. It has been the craziest last three days of my life, involving frisbee, boys, insanely hot weather, gingers, a stolen car, and not enough sleep. Should I be able to clarify some details later, I shall. That remains to be seen. For now, prayers for my sanity greatly welcome!)

Change

Leaving. Heartache, closing doors. Arriving. Dread. New beginnings. All my emotions tangled like a ball of yarn attacked by a sadistic kitten. Exhaustion. The need to cry, while utterly dry-eyed. Missing someone I've never met. Wishing. Hoping. Praying.

Yearning.

Ugh.

There is a new realm of thought. I call it the queasy borderline. Where you aren't quite yet fantastically imagining things you shouldn't be, because later those imaginings will come bite you in the butt when they don't happen, but you want to imagine so badly. And little glimpses of potential, yet unlikely futures, sneak in, and are so tantalizing, but you must resist anyway?

Yes. I am in the queasy borderline today, and I do NOT like it. Rawr.

Pals Award!

I have been given a Pals Award from the magnanimous Q! :D I therefore am happy to bestow it on the lovely Miss Erin, Cuil, and Twinkiesaregross!

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On another note entirely -- I have watched some of the nation's best frisbee players for hours over the last two days. Fan-freaking-tastic. (I also hung out with an [awesome] friend who says 'fantastic' a lot, so it has been slipping into my own vocabulary...) I also danced the night away (and part of the early morning) in heels that I should have broken my ankle in simply walking to the floor from my car. I did not, and proceeded to dance for four hours in them. My calves hate me, but the shoes forced me to stay on the balls of my feet, and I danced the best I ever have. Plus, my hair is looking more like a semi-natural shade of red. *Cheers!*

All in all, fantastic weekend. I'm off to scrub layers (yes, literally) of dirt, sweat, and sunscreen from myself.

Things Making Me Happy

(idea shamelessly stolen from Cuil)

- two friends I haven't seen in months and years, respectively, coming to town all in the same weekend, before I move home

- realizing God is gracious, despite my idiocy

- my atomically red hair, which shall fade to a more manageable shade within a few days

- Nordstrom rack, sassy Chinese Laundry heels on sale, a $350 dress for $50.

- letting myself have a girly side after three or four years of strident refusal

- running out of text messages and having beautiful silence for a few days

- blogger twins :D

- lazy naps on cloudy days

- roses and saved petals :)

Pensées

Have you ever looked in the mirror and realized your face has changed? Not from a blemish or scar, but from the march of time, from simply growing older? I mean, I probably look in a mirror every day - I do in fact, to get my contacts in - but now and then, every few months, I see the shape of my face has subtly, irrevocably shifted.

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Having a guy who is a friend in an older-brother way is fantastic.

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I've had an odd series of dreams the past few days, and their auras have lingered with me hours later. That doesn't usually happen.

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End ramblings of the day.

Brilliance and Wonderfulness

So, I get to go to Oxford and London this summer. I am psyched beyond belief. As cultural preparation, a well-meaning friend suggested I watch Dr. Who, as it's apparently a British cultural icon. The well-meaning interwebs found me a website that has the episodes playing on a roll-over basis, from one episode to the next and so on. I have currently chewed through a season and a half.

In three days.

Usually, watching more than four episodes of a show gives me burn-out. Not so. The show really is brilliant. It's much smarter than most American television shows, objectionable content is rather low (granted, there is a fair number of explosions, but mostly fire, smoke and noise, not gore, and there is a tiny bit of language, but mild swearing always sounds better in a British accent. Don't deny it.) There's continuity, and both actors who play Dr. Who are fantastic. The show bounces between futuristic planets (very convincingly created) and Earth's past. The futuristic technology is fantastic. The humor is so British, and amazing.

Plus, there are a plethora of British and Scottish accents.

Wipe up my drool, please.

Just...no, don't, actually, go watch. I believe Netflix has the episodes available for online viewing, should you have Netflix service. If not, the eps are online multiple places. I know a bunch of you have finals coming up, so save this for your summer reward.

*fangirls out*