Sunday, October 19, 2008

I am so indecisive

I really am sometimes. The funny thing is, if I'm around a bunch of other indecisive people, I'll just call the shots so we quit staring at each other, waiting for someone to call the shots. Take a typical Tuesday morning for example. That's our 5-mile easy run day in cross-country (henceforth abbreviated as "XC"). Usually our newly elected team captain will look at us and ask which route we want to run. It shouldn't be hard, there are only like three. Yet through some mysterious process, this question is met with blank stares. It doesn't help that it's 6:40 in the morning. Some of us are still sleepwalking. So usually I'll just weigh the options and pick something. I guess I"m one of those behind-the-scenes leaders. I'll wait to see if an obvious leader steps forth; if not, I'll step up to it.

All that to say this: I have a short story (a long short story, about 12 pages double-spaced) I wrote over Hurricane Ike, in snatches on my laptop (which contains the world's crappiest replacement battery), and charged said crappy battery in the car on scouting runs to the Conoco, Shell, and H-E-B (that's a Texas grocery store, for those unfortunate out-of-staters :p). There's a lot in there from my life, and I'm kind of scared to post it. Especially after this. Because a certain person is involved romantically (kind of) in the story, and it's written in first-person (although the narrator is NOT me, thank goodness).

So that's why I'm dithering right now. Cool word, 'dithering'. Can't you tell right now I'm totally stalling? I really can't decide. Especially because I'm concerned people will get the wrong impressions of my exact feelings toward certain persons. Regrettably, Blogger does not have a password-protect function.

Besides, it's not like anything I usually write. Part of this was the super-weird circumstances, which I pray I never undergo again (two words, all you bloggers, for ten days: no internet). It was based off a dream I had, so some real-life things got mixed in.

Okay, I am blathering now. Vulnerability is not something I expose myself to often. It's not safe. It's not supposed to be safe. But it should be part of life. And I suck at telling when is a good time...

10 comments:

Q said...

I have DDD--that's Decision Deficit Disorder. I can volunteer information, but even if other people say that they honestly don't care, I always think they secretly do and I don't want to make the wrong choice for them. That's only with trivial stuff, though. With really big decisions I'm usually pretty good. Figure that out.

Judi said...

Umm...i'm kinda indecisive..i think..no wait, i'm not..you know what?? Yeah, i am...i think... :D

Come on..go ahead and post it...can't be that bad...seriously...you're my favorite writer in the whole wide world..you know that, right?? :)
-Judi

Lady Brainsample said...

I know the feeling of the blank stares...I usually do the same thing you would.

And I agree with Judi on posting your story.

Q said...

Oh, and I would like to hear your story, too.

I actually had a dream last night that I met you. It was fun.

Edge said...

Q: Yes! I'm always thinking about how many different ways people could take things, even if they say they don't care or won't think about me differently because of it.

Judi: Funny...and I'm flattered.

Lady B: Like the profile pic! And yes, finally I just think "Okay, if no one else wants to decide..."

Q again: How wonderful!!! What did I look like? :p

Judi said...

I'm serious, though..i am indecisive...

And i'm serious about the writing thing..i want to see it..don't make me scream...i will..
-Judi

Q said...

You had brown hair, an excellent complexion, I think hazel-y eyes, about 5'7" I think (you actually looked a bit like Leanna) and you were oddly quiet. I always thought that we'd rock the house if we ever met, but according to my dream I guess not. :P

Edge said...

Judi: Scream away, I'm sure Debbie will love that :p

Q: Pretty close, actually. I'm 5'8" (minus a millimeter), have brown hair, and eyes that are blue but with a brown-gold ring around the iris. Like Finn's. (I love how I can say that and people know what I mean). And once we got to know each other (or got used to seeing each other face-to-face, we'd bring the house down :-) They'd be in awe of our awesome writing skillz.

Judi said...

*SCREAMS!!*

Q said...

Hey! I'm just a little more than 5'8"! Your eyes sound...amazing. My eyes are boring. Bluey gray and not textured with color at all.

They'd all be blinded by our awesomeness.

And you ought to post that thing. Really. If only because I'm curious about what happens during ten days without internet.